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Marco? Polo!

I’ve been swimming for about 3 weeks now.

And, this weekend, as I got ready to swim and I watched a few of the other swimmers…I had a moment of clear self awareness.

In the water, I am a fred.

I am not going to toot my own horn or anything, but its been at least 10 years since I was a cycling fred. I’ve come a long way if I dont say so myself.

But in the water, I am a fred.

I dont use those fancy speedo eye socket goggles, I use these things that are almost as big as a scuba mask. Now, I’m no expert or anything, but I am guessing thats pretty fredly.

But I love my scuba googles. They dont feel like my eyeballs are gonna pop out of the other side of my head and I can see everything….(which is actually not a good thing at one of the pools I go to, but I will spare you the details on all the strange floaty bits). Don’t tell me you can see anything with those little eye socket googles, cuz you can’t.

And then I bought my swimsuit at Big 5. The Big 5 right next to the Salvation Army store in Watsonville. Thats gotta totally be fredly. Its also reversible and I am guessing thats gotta be the fredly equivalent of leaving your reflectors on your bike.

Dont even get me started on the swim cap issue. I think that might be a whole blog post on to its self.

And toys….I notice that swimmers have a lot of pool toys. But not the cool ones like Log Flume Water Joust or anything. These are things like kicky boards and hand paddles. I used to wonder why everyone had all these toys. I mean, just swim and be done with it.

But after a few weeks of swimming I realized why.

Because swimming is freaking BORING

and you need something to break the monotony.

splash, splash, splash, push off the wall, splash, splash, splash, push off the wall, splash, splash, oh no please dont get in my lane…..whew, splash, push off the same damn wall, splash, splash, oh look that lane line is a little crooked someone should fix that, splash, push off the wall, splash, ewwww is that a pubi…

BORING. No dowhills, no rock gardens, no oh shit moments (lets hope)…the same damn scenery over and over again…and no chit chat. If I can’t chit chat in a sport, it loses a lot of luster for me.

So I bought some pool toys. I bought a bright yellow old school kicky board that I splash around on and pretend I know what I am doing while I stare at the warning to not use it as a lifesaving device and wonder why not because its holding me up pretty good and if I were drowning I wouldn’t be very picky. 

And also a bouy that you stick near your hoo haw and try to hang on to it while you swim. So thats always good for a little fun. But I also bought my toys at Big Fred so I am guessing they are not chi chi. These folks are just lucky I dont plop in the pool during lane swim in one of those big floaty loungers with a giant inflatable palm tree and a margarita holder and start playing Marco Polo.

I confessed my fredliness to Michael (who has the inate ability to not be a fred in any sport he tries…well, except maybe like football or hockey or something). And Michael tried to reassure me. He told me that the people we see at our little funky gym pool aren’t really real swimmers anyway. Was this supposed to make me feel better…knowing that I was not only a fred, but a fred’s fred?

Marco?

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